I got up late this morning. I had 4 hours of sleep in 60 hours and was feeling a little like extra sleep was good. I asked if anyone had made coffee. No was the general response, so I went to go make coffee and saw it needed to be ground (I buy the very best whole bean decaf coffee in the world.. coffee bean direct.. check it out). I now knew why there was no coffee.. no problem, I love grinding because it always smells so good.
I get my trusty bean grinder that has never let me down. I got my coffee beans, filled the grinder and voila, nothing happened. I unplugged it, checked it out.. nothing was broken, the activator was not gunky and unable to activate.. but still, nothing. Cleaning did nothing. Wow, we only have unground beans, we were dead in the water.
Now coffee is great, but I have learned to skip it if necessary for a variety of reasons. Paramahansa Yogananda taught me years ago to not become attached to things like coffee.. But today, I felt like it was important to have some energy and get things done and my highly decaf coffee would give me a little boost because even though I am allergic to caffeine, I do drop one very large scoop of ground italian roast espresso beans to seven scoops of whatever flavor of decaf I am using.
Oh My Goodness, Do I really have to go outside?
This of course meant I needed to actually venture out of the seclusion of my home/office to purchase a coffee grinder. It also meant I got to explain to my youngest daughter in great detail the beauty of a turkish grind to a cup of coffee. I had always purchased the cheapest decent grinder I could, but I felt this time like a little more thought and a deeper grind maybe we could improve upon the coffee which we love and enjoy.
I went online at target (why target, well if it is in stock and on the shelf, target will actually tell you what aisle it is in. It makes shopping very quick and easy if you let it and as a small business owner, that ability is key to getting eveything done) and looked at what they carried. I found this amazing burr grinder with great reviews for $35 and at 18 settings, I can get my turkish coffe grind right in my own home. Amazing. Got in my car, avec daughter, and drove to Target in record time and found that they had three grinders in the whole store (a billion coffee makers – and three grinders – really?). Sadness.
Did I make a good choice for positive change?
Quick caculation, my spice grinder will need replacing, I can get the cheap model I have for my spice grinding at 14.88 and purchase the burr grinder online, and have coffee for the next week while I wait for the burr to come in.. perfect. I buy the grinder. I am thrilled, so thrilled to make a good purchase. I get home, I order the burr online, then I plug the new one in, and I find they have absolutely changed this from the last model. The holder is smaller, the latch is much harder to get secure, there is only one setting instead of the 6 I had before, and I feel like I bought a dud. My daughter is apologizing unnecessarily for the hastle, but I believe in patience, so I just start grinding. It no longer turns itself off when done, you decide when to life your finger off the button. Crap my mind says. I stop it, I open it, coffee flies everywhere. Crap my mind says. I clean it up, pour it into the coffee canister I use to keep it fresh, and I try to do it better the next time. The next batch, I go more slowly, I fill it up carefully, I grind it till the coffee stops moving, I tap the top to make it all fall into the holder, I take the top off, I pour it into the canister and I look at what is a fine powder. Oh my God my mind says. I do another batch, do the same thing again.. no mess whatsoever. I pour it into the canister and again it looks like this incredibly fine powder. Oh my God, my mind says. I do another and another and another, a smell has filled my kitchen that I cannot describe and true coffee lovers know well. Oh my God, my mind says. I fill the coffee maker, pour the water I let brew and I wait the 18 minutes it takes for 12 cups of coffee to brew. The smell is amazing and fills the first floor. I prepare the milk (I do not take the time to heat the milk or froth it) I add my highly toxic sugar free sweetener in, and I have the most amazing cup of coffee in my own home. Oh my God my mind says.
Yes – It’s True, Change Really is Hard
Why am I telling you all this? Well, I have not had an easy life, and at times, I feel at odds with my creator. I have felt at odds with the change I have been asked to face, to the point where my optimism has lagged, and my general nature has become more dark, and my intensity has grown in ways I can only respect and understand but is not always easy for anyone else to deal with. I am still fiercely dedicated to God, Spirit and the plan for mankind, but personally, and I truly mean personally, God and I have not been seeing eye to eye on where my life has found itself.
In meditation this week, I was informed that the focus of the next few weeks were really about improving the trust between myself and God. I can only tell you that I received that news with great trepidation. That could only mean change, and wow, the changes I have endured for the last 10 years have been massive and for the most part pretty difficult. I took it with a grain of salt and went on with life, until I woke up this morning and my coffee grinder did not work.
So, for $14.88 which is less than the cost of three cappuccinos at Starbucks, I purchased a grinder that has given me the best cup of coffee I have had in a long time. As a coffee lover with a caffeine allergy, I cannot stress enough what that actually means. I have the most amazing decaf coffee with the most amazing grinder that creates the turkish grind I love so well. After three sips, all I could do was thank God. Not a little thank you, a real, I surrender to the change that needs to come. It was a relaxation of trust that change is coming, and if I let it, it just may help me get to where I am meant to be, serving as I am meant to serve and maybe, just maybe, I might enjoy the ride to.
It was a very real moment.