But I Thought They were My Soul Mate – What is a Soul Mate?

we all want a soul mate

What is a Soul Mate?

I am always shocked at how everyone seems to have found their soul mate. I believe if people knew what a soul mate actually is, they would understand the inherent difficulty and most likely run. Now I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade here, but soul mate connections are just not that common. Society has once again found a complex thing and have tried to make it ordinary – something everyone has. We all want a soul mate!! Why I say, don’t we actually want a nice relationship?

Soul mates are simply beings who have agreed to help each other learn and evolve. It is that simple. It is no guarantee of a love match. It isn’t even remotely about romance. It normally is a difficult abrasive relationship where we learn alot and become better people. But no, it is no guarantee that it is going to work long term. More often than not, soul mates are a hit and run kind of thing. We come together for a specific purpose, we push each others buttons and we both evolve. Simple right? Not really.

soulmates holding hands

Do we want to Marry Our Soul Mates?

I guess it depends on how you want to live and how self involved you are. The more self involved we are as individuals, the more we see soul mate relationships as abusive or a source of victim consciousness in our lives. Nothing is really farther from the truth, but it is what myopothy creates in soul mate relationships. Example – a youngish woman that I know had two soul mate relationships. Both could have worked romantically, both individuals who were there to teach her very specific lessons that she needed to learn about being responsible for yourself. Both tried very hard to assist her in growing up and realizing she was not helpless and needing to be taken care of. In both cases she felt like their prodding – which was necessary was abuse. I of course watched with amusement. It was a theme in her life. She still uses it to avoid personal progress. She could not see that she needed to make growth. She could only see someone didn’t agree with her – which in no book is labeled abuse.

I want to marry a Soul Mate. I want to find a man who can reflect to me everything I want to change within myself and then I want to change it. I want a man who calls me on my crap. I want a man who loves me enough to be honest and help me grow, and I want to do the same for them. So marrying a soul mate for me is not an issue, I take my spiritual process seriously, but what if you do not?

What do you mean Soul Mate Relationships are Hard? We are meant for one another!

Soul Mates in a dysfunctional relationship cause a great deal of havoc for one another with no resolution. They can be the worst relationships we can have. I counseled a soul mate connection. I advised one of the members what would happen if she did not do her work – and seven years later I got a call from the husband saying they had separated. The wife, who never did the work that needed to be done – never attempted to heal the triggers – had become the absolute victim and would not consider a reconciliation. She went about humiliating him in every conceivable way. I explained the nature of the relationship and less than a month later, they were back together – more clear about their roles and more clear about their missteps. As I said to the husband, soul mates are supposed to bring up the deepest stuff in our heart – the stuff that prevents us from loving, we are meant to clear those issues and then the two get to be very happy together. It is the hardest stuff we ever face. It is why it works best as friendships.